April 6, 2008

It’s just the beginning and I can already tell it’s going to be a fairytale ending. Not saying the ride to that happy ending is going to be a piece of cake, but I have a strong feeling the end result will be more then worth the effort that I put into it – actually I know, since I have been told that over and over. Since the moment I stepped onto Mexican soil I have found it hard to stand still – mentally or physically. Nerves? Probably. Excitement? Definitely. The words “Will I make it?” keep running through my head, but I know that I don’t have that chance to take on doubting whether or not I am going to make it, so I jumble the words around and repeat “I will make it” over and over and pretend to believe it until I do. I have waited, with my mind and body ready, knowing in my heart there is no backing out – this is what I have waited for. The fear of going through this intense course of self-realization is little compared to the paralyzing torture of what would happen to me if I didn’t make myself face these challenges. I have faith that what is meant to happen will happen and I have the knowledge that I have the power to bend the outcome.

April 7, 2008

The end of my third day is here and the beginning of an amazing journey has just begun – I can feel it all the way down to my bones. I have just finished my first Bikram Yoga training class and it felt great. Some people left the room, some people had to sit for almost the entire class, but I made it without leaving, without sitting down, and without even skipping a posture and for that I am damn proud of myself. Yes, I didn’t go to the maximum expression of every posture, but Bikram told us to just have fun and take it easy the first week and plus, I have been warned to pace myself for the first two weeks. I take that advice very seriously, especially since it was given to me by the people in my life who really want the best for me and who have helped me get here. I owe a lot to Jeff and Arjay and I owe a lot to Bikram and all the teachers that have taught me, but I also know that I owe a lot to myself, because, although I wouldn’t be here without any of them, I definitely wouldn’t be here without me and my determination. So, over the next 9 weeks I will learn how to fully and utterly love myself and enjoy who and what I am – and I can’t wait.

April 9, 2008

It's funny how life just continues. How there are hurdles and boulders that you must pass through in life and how if you just make up your mind to get through them they end up being easier to surpass than expected. I recited "Half moon pose" for Bikram today and although I froze once or twice, I got through it and it wasn't bad. I love that Bikram gives honest answers and although some say he can be a bit harsh, I just take it as tough love. He commented that I am very sweet and that the mothers and sugar papas will love me - I guess this means I need to be "more Bitch" (you were right Jeff!).

April 13, 2008

It has only been a week in this paradise and I feel I have already made friends for life. I have experienced so much life in the last week that I feel like I hadn't been living before I got here. I can feel my body going through detox and it feels great, even though it means breakouts, the runs/constipation, and soreness. I can't wait for what's to come. I heard that the yoga room will be cranked up to 130 degrees Fahrenheit this coming week and that one of the best and most senior yoga teachers in the world will be directing us through class. Every one seems to be terrified of her, but I have learned to leave my worries and expectations at the door and stay completely in the moment - if I have a great class with no dizziness, great - if I have a class where I need to be hauled off on a stretcher, well then it must be. All that is important to me in this moment is the journey that I will be partaking in, in the next many weeks of my life.

I have learned quickly that I have very little time for dilly-dally and when everyone says that this is hard work and dedication, they mean it. I have decided for myself to have very little contact with the outside world, meaning my family and friends. It was a hard decision, but I believe that everyone who loves me will understand the sacrifice I am making to do this yoga boot camp. I have had mostly great yoga classes, a few rough ones, but all in all they have been a great experience. I am learning a lot about myself through class - it's hard to explain, I'll try to later when my brain is not working like it's 1 in the morning. Now to get down to the dialogue for triangle! Goodnight my friends!

April 16, 2008

Ahhhh.... Savasana. Never have I been so happy to reach the point if total relaxation in yoga class. Recently my days have been pretty hectic. My day normally starts at 7am with yoga class starting at 8:30am. Then we get an hour and a half break where we get a free of charge buffet meal (very yummy!!!!). Sign in time is normally at 12:10pm for Anatomy (only for the next two weeks - then we start posture clinics). Then another hour break before another yoga class, which may seem like enough time, but with yogi traffic in the corridors and getting to class 15 minutes early, it's really not. After class we get a 2-hour (sometimes only an hour and a half) dinner break, then it's off too a lecture from Bikram, which are very interesting, but the class seems to dissipate into the night. His lecture usually runs past midnight (Bikram doesn't usually sleep - he feels like it's a waist of time). After that I usually have a few hours of homework to do, keeping me up to about 1 or 2 in the morning. And that's a normal day for Nora right now - it may sound hectic, and it is, only because there is no extra time, but I am having so much fun. We are pretty spoiled, because we have the beach right next to us. The feeling of running into the ocean after a hot, hot yoga class is a feeling I just can't explain. Sunsets are another tremendously beautiful thing around here - actually anywhere, but it seems more highlighted because of the surroundings and experience I'm going through.

April 19, 2008

Finally the weekend is here. We had a tough class with Craig, early this Saturday morning, to start it off right. One thing I have been trying to do while I'm here is get out of my habits - within my practice and out. Meaning, no more falling out of postures early and also focusing on not watching TV. I'm proud of myself so far, because I have been giving this training my honest effort. It's now or never, right?! I haven't introduced you to my roommate yet... her name is Rachel and I am very lucky to have her as a roomy. We like the same things and we are professionals when it comes to laughing. Most of the people here are pretty amazing. I mean, they all practice Bikram Yoga, how can they not be?! On the plane I met about 10 yogis already and I soon made friends. It's a great life and I'm enjoying every moment of it. Till next time.

April 20, 2008

Another amazing weekend has just ended, here in paradise. Another week of hot rooms and anatomy learning awaits. I am surprised at the amount and speed at which I am learning Spanish, especially since I am not really focusing on learning it (I have too much to focus on already), but I have to say, that the people here are extremely kind and helpful, at least so far. I have yet to travel into downtown, but I'm sure it's a whole other ball game there. I have not been getting much sleep, like I'm sure many of the 280 yoga students are complaining about as well, but it seems like just enough to keep me focused and going strong through the week. I have already seen some exciting changes in my body and mind and it only motivates me to push even further. Yes, I took it somewhat easy for the first 2 weeks, but we are now going into the 3rd week of training (already!!!!) and it's time to crack down. My postures are getting deeper, my friendships are getting stronger, my mind is getting smarter, and the road to self-realization is getting clearer. I'm still not sure where this road will lead me, but I like the view on the way.

April 22, 2008

"Smooth waters doesn't make for a good sailor" were some of the first words I heard this morning as I dragged myself into yoga class. Teachers have started arriving from across the world and are here teaching and inspiring us. A teacher told me that they liked my dialogue for Backward bending and Pada Hastasana and it made my whole week. Of course I was nervous, but I'm proud of myself because I didn't let my nervousness get the best of me. I used the energy to my advantage and got up once more in front of 280 yogis and Craig to perform instead of waiting till we were in smaller posture clinic groups. Plus, I really wanted to use the cool little headset microphone. When I first signed up for training, I could have never imagined me as a Bikram yoga instructor, but now it is becoming more like a reality. I'm really starting to create a passion for it. Lee, a yogi and nurse, said last night, "Life is not about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself," another few words that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. I have only just started to create myself. I have just now realized that I can be anything I want to be and I'm so excited to live the rest of my life.

April 24, 2008

What a crazy week. I had one of the toughest classes and one of the best classes this week. Yesterday I cried for about half of the yoga class (which is about 45 minutes). Not exactly sure why and I'm still not sure, but I have come to the conclusion that it was a good thing - I was breaking through rather then breaking down (like some people would see it). Now my real training has started. I was warned that the third week was the toughest - now I see why. I heard rumors that 2 people quit training and I think all of us are starting to get a little home sick. I'm staying here though, no matter how much I cry and or how home sick I get. This is my home for the next 7 weeks. I just got word that Jefferson is here (the owner of the San Rafael Bikram studio). I'm so excited to see a familiar face. I'm actually going to call him right now. Bye!!!

April 27, 2008

What another wonderful day off. Yesterday I got certified to save lives - I now have my CPR certification. Things are starting to move fast. Next week we stop learning anatomy and start posture clinic full time. I haven't been in much contact with friends and family at home and at this point I'm still not sure if it's a good or bad thing. I miss people, but I want to be here more. There have been a few earthquakes here. One just happened while I was typing and the entire table was shaking - it was pretty exciting. Jefferson will be teaching at some point next week and I can't wait, even though my entire body doesn't want to move. This is the week where everything has started hurting. My hip, my knee, my back - everything is aching!!! But I have been assured that it will pass. I also know that I am no special case, many people here have injuries and or pain. There is one man here that has just torn a ligament and is wearing a knee brace. I applaud him and it reminds me that I need to shut up more. Those are the people that inspire me to keep going. Thank you.

April 29, 2008

The middle of the fourth week is here and the "intensive" part of the training is starting to become more and more obvious. The many hours in posture clinics have the trainees running around the hotel screaming, "Lock the knee!" and or "Nice and tight grip - don't loose it!" it's comedy to observe, until you realize you are doing it yourself. My body pain is getting better, but I am getting less and less sleep, because of all the studying of the postures. Now my brain is in pain. It's getting harder and harder to concentrate and the fact that the pressure is on to memorize 26 postures (about 1 page each - which is not including both sides or sets), is raining down hard on us all. Breakdowns or breakthroughs (depending on who you are talking to) are expected. This morning Jefferson taught the yoga class and I was truly inspired by what he had to say. I have never heard his complete story and I admit that I was blown away that he is even alive today. He is living proof of what this yoga can do for people. As Bikram would say, "Stay in the room. Do the yoga. I will give you your life back."

"Do you want to be perfect, or do you want to be a good yoga teacher?" Diane (a teacher who owns a studio in Massachusetts and became a teacher at one of the first Bikram yoga trainings) said this to a student while she was giving a critique in posture clinic. This was an interesting question for me to hear and being a perfectionist myself, I had to think about it. The obvious choice is to be a good yoga teacher, but it's hard to get your ego out of the way to let the life practice of being a perfectionist not get in the way of that. I have done a pretty good job of controlling my perfectionism here. I still get nerves, but I have somehow learned to like them and work with them, rather than freaking out in a way that is no benefit to me or anyone else. It's a process that I think everyone is somewhat working on here. My drive to become a great yoga teacher is far beyond my desire to be perfect (which is impossible anyway). Now I just have to find a good balance of words, volume, and emphasis and stay awake so that I can get through to the weekend. Wish me luck!!!!

May 2, 2008

Cinqo De Maio!!!!! The hotel is absolutely packed, making the traffic jam in front of the elevators even worse. I feel bad for the people on a nice and clean vacation that have to pile in the elevator with hot, sweaty, and stinky yogis. I can't really complain. It's Friday and they gave us the night off!!!!!!! WOOOHOOO!!! I'm gonna try to make it an early night tonight (even though it's already midnight). It's been a pretty stressful and intense week for me and I'm sure for many others as well. More tears, more rashes, more hot (I mean really hot) yoga classes, and flashes of home sweet home are creeping into my subconscious mind. On the plus side I feel like I presented a few of my postures, in posture clinic, very well. Balancing stick was a hit as well as Triangle!!! Who knew I had it in me to yell and scream at students??!!!! I definitely didn't. And the best part is - I'm having fun doing it. I honestly can't wait to get back and teach. Yes, of course I'm a little nervous, but I'm just so ready to start this new chapter of my life that I won't let myself be terrified of the first class. Sleep sounds soooooo good right now. Oh no, we have class with Craig tomorrow morning at 8am!! Just kidding, I actually love his classes. Goodnight everyone! Miss you all to pieces!!!!

May 4, 2008

I can't believe that we are starting the 5th week tomorrow. It's weird, because I feel like it is flying by, but at the same time I feel like I have been here living this life for ages. I know that I will miss this place and definitely the friends I have made, when it's all over, but I am forcing myself to not think about that and to live more in the moment. Today I had a follow up on some physiology testing that I wanted to be a part of. It basically determines what your body and mind go through when doing this much Bikram yoga. Pretty cool stuff. I don't have the results yet and she will come once more at the end of training, but so far I have already gained 5 pounds (of muscle - I hope) and my reaction time to some of the testing was more accurate. I don't care much what the scale says - I feel great!!! And I feel like I look great and that's all that matters. The food is getting pretty boring, but we are lucky to have so many options. I ate at a restaurant tonight that was called 100% Natural (not sure if it was), but it tasted good. I haven't ventured much in the outside world of Acapulco, but I'm gonna try to make it in the next 2 weekends. I have been very good about studying every weekend. But I always make time for fun!!!!

May 7, 2008

Ahhhh, the halfway mark. It feels good to be here and to have accomplished so much.

I have finally caught the cold everyone is whining about and it's pretty unpleasant. There are times in class (especially the compression poses) where I physically can't breathe. I refuse to go to the doctor though, unless it gets really unbearable - No more antibiotics! Tonight there is a demonstration of yoga postures and some of the people demonstrating are the top yogis in the world - I'm super excited!!! Lots of press and pictures, so I gotta look my best! Bikram is back and kept us up till 1:30am last night with a movie. We were all pretty drained looking this morning. Even though we got Monday off, because of the tragic death of Bikram's Guru Bishnu's son, we are still longing for the peaceful weekend. At this point I just want rest. I can deal with being tired, but not tired and sick. My heart goes out to Bikram - it's never easy when someone close to you dies. It reminds you how short life really is and wakes you up to a world of endless possibilities. That's how it should always be, but sometimes a loss is needed to wake up our spirit.

May 10, 2008

Whenever I thought of love, I have thought of "Happily ever after." In other words, fantasy love. Someone to complete me; someone I can't live without. I have just now (in the past 2 years) realized that if I want to fall in love and make it work, that I need to complete myself first and then only can I come together with someone else who is a whole. Whole + whole = happy whole, not, half + half = whole. Being here, I thought that I had to take a break from love and concentrate on my yoga practice and my future. Now I understand that I am here to fall in love with myself. And like with any relationship, there are good times and bad times, but now that I have this relationship, I have the ability and stability to share my life with someone else. I am complete - I always have been, but now I know it and now, I can move on.